It’s a new year and there’s so much hope, so much possibility, so much optimism that comes with so many resolutions, and so many new days to fix your life… and so overwhelming to think of it all. Online, half of social media is filled with motivational quotes that are a version of, ‘New Year, New Me’, and the other half is filled with memes that go, ‘Day 10: It’s been such a difficult year already!’ And with them come the choices of how to think of the night between 31st and 1st: a new dawn that will change you as a person, or another dawn in the long and endless loop of exhaustion we call life?
A downward spiral
We’ve all chosen the former (and continue to) in wisdom or stupidity—or both—and have all been through (and continue to go through) the five stages of The Resolution Experiment over the first 10 days of January, that eventually leads us to the path of the latter:
Stage 1: Illusion. I have put together a list of resolutions and I will do EVERYTHING on it every day. #NewYearNewMe.
Stage 2: Grace Period. Okay maybe everything was a bit too much; I’ll do some things COMPLETELY and a few things SOMEWHAT.
Stage 3: Reality Check. No need to think in ALL CAPS, I’ll take it slow and tackle One Thing At a Time, One Day At A Time.
Stage 4: Self-loathing. Look at everyone on Instagram killing it with their resolutions, while I can’t even do One Thing properly.
Stage 5: Disillusionment. Look at everyone on Twitter talking about how they’ve not managed to succeed at doing *anything* so maybe I should also make peace with the fact that life is tough and nobody gets what they want and we are all destined to fail anyway so how does it even matter when climate change and politics will eventually kill us all so let’s just whinge and wallow in self-afflicted misery #ItsBeenSuchaDifficultYearAlready.
Between the binaries
Over the last few days of December, and the first few days of January, everyone is led to believe by everyone else on social media that our choices in and about resolutions exist in binaries; we can either make something of the year ahead or recognise that it is a misleading, false positive, marketing gimmick. And either way, most of us end up at the same place: with an enduring feeling of foundering and frustration, because we are led to believe by everyone else on social media that their choices were better than ours and are going better than ours, and will we even and ever be able to match up?
And so, as difficult as it sounds, this year, my only resolution has been to not participate in the resolution Olympics along with everyone else on the internet. Instead, I resolve to make progress on everything that gives or will give me meaning, and to make a go for everything that gives or will give me joy. Life exists in the binaries between the ups and downs, and our resolutions also need to exist between the binaries of success and failure. We need to find the balance between holding ourselves accountable to change but also holding up and holding on in the time it takes to change, because when the going gets tough, the tough first need to be kinder to themselves.
Here’s hoping you make do on your promises to yourselves in the new year, and are kind to yourselves every year!.
Nikhil Taneja is a writer, producer, storyteller, public speaker, feeler of feelings, men’s mental health advocate and co-founder of Yuvaa
That Feeling When is a fortnightly column that offers a relatable take on mental health and emotional well-being.
From HT Brunch, January 14, 2023
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