Response by Dr Rachna Khanna Singh: The toughest thing you will ever have to do is deal with a dishonest spouse. When considering whether or not you want to make things work, there is no correct response. The only thing you can do is talk to your husband, listen to yourself, and decide if your marriage is worth saving. If you do decide that you want to make things work, you must take each day as it comes while taking care of yourself. But no blame on yourself. Sometimes your spouse’s motivations for infidelity may not be evident, and you might believe that placing the responsibility on yourself is the only logical course of action. Perhaps you believe that you have been aloof or that you haven’t been particularly candid in bed. Perhaps you’ve let work get the best of you and neglected the relationship.
However, while these might be signs that your marriage needs some improvement, you should know that nothing you do will ever tempt your partner to cheat, and you shouldn’t ever hold yourself responsible for their errors. Undoubtedly, you might be to blame for a certain issue in the relationship, and it’s crucial to accept that. However, you must never, ever believe that a mistake you made excuses your spouse’s infidelity.
There’s no use in attempting to make sense of absurdity, even though you might believe that you’ll be able to move on if you can just come up with a logical explanation for why the cheating occurred, such as the fact that your husband has been feeling helpless ever since he lost his job or that the third party came on to your wife so much that she couldn’t possibly resist. Accept your hurt and the fact that you must find a way to move on, but don’t imagine that blaming your spouse will help you do so. You need to give this some more thought even though you might feel the urge to leave your house as soon as you discover that your spouse is having an affair or pack up your belongings. You can spend some time apart from your partner but refrain from asking for a divorce or taking any other extreme measures.
Give yourself time to reflect on what occurred and what is best for you and your relationship before acting in a way that you might come to regret. Lastly, do not hesitate in reaching out to a couple’s counsellor as involving a professional can greatly support and streamline your attempts at reconciliation.
Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh is HOD – Holistic Medicine, Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon, Relationship, Lifestyle & Stress Management Expert
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